PAIN OF SALVATION - 2000
"The Perfect Element"
Track List:
 1. Used
 2. In The Flesh
 3. Ashes
 4. Morning On Earth
 5. Idioglossia
 6. Her Voices
 7. Dedication
 8. King Of Loss
 9. Reconciliation
10. Song For The Innocent
11. Falling
12. The Perfect Element

Facts:
Recorded during spring 2000 at Roasting House Studios. Produced and
mastered at Roasting House by Anders Theo Theander, Daniel Gildenlow and
Pain of Salvation. Artwork and multimedia by Daniel Gildenlow/Entropia
Productions. 

Versions: European, South American, Japanese (one bonus track), Limited
Edition (enhanced extra CD), American

Line-up:
Fredrik Hermansson-keyboards
Johan Hallgren-quitars
Daniel Gildenlow-vocals/quitars
Kristoffer Gildenlow-bass
Johan Langell-drums

1. Used
+++++++
"I am the unclean
The black drop at the bottom of your cup
You'd better drink or throw me up
'Cause I am on your lip and tongue
God
I'm not yours as much as you are mine
So let me in to be your lung
Just breathe me deep and take another sip
So still
A taste so sweet but so bitter the kill
Still on your lip
You are so close
I'll let you come
Between my legs you are closer death than sun
And I'm not your daughter as much as you're my son
I'll let you come
In my mouth on your lip
So ready and thirsty for the next sip
You let me in, I let you come
I'd never let you down
You let me win, I let you drown!"
Getting used to pain

I am crying unwept tears through this violence
I'll die trying to break this thick crust of silence

"I am the greatest star
So bright that you all come forth and beg to taste my light
I can take you far but I'll burn you out before we get there
But hey! Who am I to stand in your way?
Go ahead; swallow me down!
I'll have no problems finding myself out
When you've gone down
When your all cracked and wound."
Getting used to pain

I am crying unwept tears through this violence
I'll die trying to break this thick crust of silence

Trading pain is a bad deal
I've got more than my share
Too much to bear!
Every beat of the hammer
Every blood stricken street:
A way to trade off heat.

They will bleed till I'm empty
If I deserve to die I'll make it show
I will stain your affection, I will wear out your heart
You'll follow where I go

Blood stains
Cut veins
Filthy
Murder
Leave me... 


2. In The Flesh
+++++++++++++++
She walks these empty streets alone
Looking for something they call "home"
Hoping to find some peace of mind
Sometimes we need to walk alone

She is set on running away
Though her mom was yelling she must stay
A wind beaten bird for reasons unheard
Sometimes it is best to run away

So fly away, fly away, fly away
Don't be afraid, don't hesitate, fly away

Some wear their bruises on their skin
Others hide their scars deep within
She has a wound close to her womb
Blames herself for letting it in

So fly away, fly away, fly away
Don't be afraid, don't hesitate, fly away
But She's afraid, she's afraid, she's afraid
Anyway
See those eyes, see those eyes, see those eyes
Hate and lies, a fire that slowly dies
But She will fly, she will fly, she will fly
Before it dies

Sometimes the hands that feed
Must feed a mind with a sick need
And the hands that clutch can be
The same hands that touch too much
Eyes that hungrily stare
Read in an access that's not there
While eyes close to hide tears
Or look away in fear
Run away!

Passing the open stores
Hiding her dirty sores
Seeking asylum among freaks and whores
What wouldn't she give to be in a society
Not learning the eyes to be closed but to see

Now she bites the words
"Never"
She kicks the ground
"Never"
Swallows her tears
"Never will I go back"
She hits the walls
"Leave me!"
Scratches herself
"Leave me!"
Begs to all Gods
"Rip me from this sick flesh!"

"I will always be there"
"No!"
She holds her ears
"You know that I love you"
Pretends that she doesn't hear
"We're in this together"
"We share the same skin"
Panic in his voice now
"Free us from sin"

"Tell me that you love me"
This is the end
"I know that you do"
Of her way
Never ever again
Follow me down

"God forgive this hunger"
"Please mommy see"
"Never tell a soul"
"Is it me?"
A child will love its parents
Will follow them down

She swears to the pavement's heart of stone
That these city lights will be her home
But still as they burn she will return
Back to the adults. . . of her home. 


3. Ashes
++++++++
You claim I don't know you, but I know you well
I read in those ash eyes we've been through hell
I've walked with the weakest just to feel strong
You've given your body just to belong

Let's burn together
Let's burn together

This pain will never end
These scars will never mend

I taste your sorrow and you taste my pain
Drawn to each other for every stain
Licking the layers of soot from your skin
Your tears work my crust to let yourself in

Touching you harder
Touching you harder now

As we walk through the ashes
I whisper your name
A taste of pain to cling to
As we walk through the ashes
You whisper my name
Who's the one with the sickest mind...
now?

This pain will never end
Our scars will never mend
Cleansing sweat
We are just using each other
Too depraved to stay alive
But too young to die
And we hurt
Thus we hurt

Scrubbing it harder
Too late to back out now
Scrubbing it even harder
As these two broken barren desolate disordered words collide

As we walk through the ashes
I whisper your name
A taste of pain to cling to
As we walk through the ashes
You whisper my name
Who's the one with the sickest mind...
now?

This pain will never end
These scars will never mend
Damn this dirty bed
Damn this dirty head 


4. Morning On Earth
+++++++++++++++++++
For as long as I can remember I have wanted to
Silence every beating heart; every sound of breathing
Now there is something inside of me that aches as I hear you
Breathing here when you sleep between these morning sheets

I am the tears in your mouth
I am the weight on your shoulder
I am the scream that wants out
And my heart just couldn't grow colder
Now this rusty heart is my gift
This fallen love is my gift

Morning arrives on an Earth I've never seen before
Revealing a life that I never really understood
Strange, the way beauty can hurt the unopened eye
Much more than all of the filth and pain
That we're soaked in ever could

I am the tears in your mouth
I am the weight on your shoulder
I am the scream that wants out
And my heart just couldn't grow colder

Hear this voice, see this man standing before you
I'm just a child trapped inside the body of a man

"A relation, so oddly old - bred not to love
Suffers the beaten grounds of Idioglossia
We talk but we do not speak
Together only in our incapability to leave this fallen playground
We rule this Empire merely with these few crippled toys
Rust in our faces
This is what we can share - this is all we can lose
Still
Furiously we will linger to it with our lives
Cling to its rust and pains
Barefoot and torn
Bred not but born to love"

Hear this voice, see this man standing before you
I'm just a child trapped inside this fallen man
See this child 


5. Idioglossia
++++++++++++++
It all comes back to me

Face to the floor
Heart in my mouth
My forehead hits the pavement
Again - numb - again
Sharing this humility
A circle of humanity
Momentarily black in me
Immomentarily black
So black

Memory leave me be
Close that eye leave love blind

When outcome is preceded
By an outlet that is needed
We forget all but the circle
As soon as the ends have met
As soon as the ends have met

I scratch the surface and see
Someone better than me
Where did I suffer that loss?
What was taken from me?

As I search through the ashes
For someone to blame
I'm afraid to see my face
As I walk through the ashes
I whisper your name
Meeting you have forced me
To meet myself

This blood proves me right
In that the last move is all that
Counts if the beasts must bite
Vow to the floor
Oath to the taste of dust
In my mouth - never!
I bite the words - never again!
Will I let anyone else finish
I'll be the end of every way

Memory let it die left behind
Leave me blind

Despite all these words
Not one could express
What I had inside
Living was to hide

Kneeling in whirlpools
Of pink champagne
Celebrating the bravery of my pain
Something broke
And no water could ever wash
The anger from that first stain

I scratched the surface to find
Someone wicked and blind
Where did it come to that end?
Why can't these scars ever mend?

Memories...

I have swallowed all these tears
Thought they'd be gone
After all these years
Now this heart is waking up
With a new hunger
For my own blood

As I search through the ashes
For someone to blame
I'm afraid to see my face
As I walk through the ashes
I whisper your name
Meeting you have forced me
To meet myself

Face to the ground
Heart in their mouth Foreheads hit the pavement
Again - numb - again
Sharing my hostility
A streetful of insanity
This is payback for every
Tear in me, hole in me
Black in me - black!

Memory history agony
Let me see that hideous
Idioglossia that formed me

Despite all these words 
Not one could express
What I had inside 
Living was to hide

For every time you froze me out
For every punch every shout
For not believing in me
For your stupidity
For stealing what could have been
Me

It all comes back to you

Is this all I am? 


6. Her Voices
+++++++++++++
Looking at you I see her face
Through all these years, just waiting
It all catches up to you when you slow down

I'm back in that yard, tasting that shame
Of pushing her down, Of kids and her games
...their strongholds

We had a bigger world - we had a better view
I guess I never fully realized then
What she lost when I cut that loss

So she filled the void with unearthly friends
Voices of hers - greater... than us

We had a bigger world - we had a better view
I wish she'd never told us about her voices
We were strong, we were much too strong

Never forgive - never forget

We picked and pierced, we ripped and we tore
We hit and we scratched to make in her a hole
Glares and eyes - whispers and notes
Attached to her every pose

We fed her shouts
For the collection of her voices
I was too weak to collect
But so, it turned out, was she
Both paid in soul for the cutting of that loss

Their ugly truth
Outnumbered by far her beautiful dream
And I closed my eyes
Were her eyes in yours already when we met?
Am I still paying debts to recover Life?

Now I can see she proved to be right
As she was called down
It's sad though...
...that I turned out to be one of her voices. 


7. Dedication
+++++++++++++
I watched you die
Though you had always been there
Since I first came into this world
Outside people smile
I ask - why this deep blue sky?
When you have left this world today
Does it not know when to weep?

All my life I've looked up to you
A humble old man who always knew
No one can ever be closer to God than you
So who could fill this void

I still can't believe that you are not around
That your warm voice won't make another sound
Sure I understand, but I never will accept
That you should be gone

I watched you die
And I have feared this moment
Since I was just a child
So why that sunny sky?
When my beloved grandfather
Lies dead here cold and still? 


8. King Of Loss
+++++++++++++++
Mother, at my first breath 
Every paragraph was set 
As I inhaled the scent of debt 
Mother, that first stolen air 
On papers saying I'm not mine 

"We crown you, the King of Loss... 
Better get on your feet 
Best be one of us 
Better get yourself on the list 
For success 
Dress up as a State investment 
Charm the press 
A breed from the seed of only 
One short breath" 

Mother, hence we cry: 
Some of us are free to stand 
Most of us are bound to lie 
In those bloodstained beds 
No one can afford to pay 
The prices on their babies' heads 

I am the King of Loss! 
For every dear smile I feel I'm not one of us 
"An ivory coin for every plus on your stone" 

"One more governmental blade 
Now drawn from its sheath 
Quite a bargain I'd say since either way 
You will live by the show of our teeth!" 

Mother, I wish that we could talk 
You see 
I'm not fit to play this game 
Bound by its rules just the same 
My talents turned to talons 
Every monetary pile 
Will buy me a precious smile...
smile... 

So smile for the King of Loss 
Feed from the juices 
Bleeding from this cross 
Then tell me our lives mean more 
Than this vain thirst! 

"A governmental blade 
Drawn from its private sheath 
Quite a bargain I'd say, since either way 
You'll be living by the show of our..." 

I hold up my head 
This was my life 
Now I'm with the dead 
So I lay my bare neck 
This is your call 
Dub a king or a wreck 

(Mother, listen to me mother) 

This was my life 
This is your call 

Is this all I am? Is this all I'll be? 
This is not enough! 

We're all crying for respect and attention 
We're all dying for a painless redemption! 
This is not what I wanted 
But for every drop of blood I lost myself 
I, too, lay bleeding on the sidewalk... 

Mother 
Long live the dying king 

"A governmental blade 
Now drawn from its private sheath 
Quite a bargain I'd say, since either way 
I will live by the show of your teeth..." 


9. Reconciliation
+++++++++++++++++
I thought I'd seen hell 
Thought I knew it all 
Now I know too well 
Hell is to wake up 
But it makes all the difference 

Tasting the tears in my mouth 
Taking the weight on my shoulders 
The hours and days of your life 
Don't necessarily make you older 

I'm sick of running away 
Along these bloody streets 
I'm sick of predators and prey 
Of being everybody's end! 

I've washed my hands of your blood 
Thought it would leave me clean 
But with time on my hands 
It turned to mud forming this crust of sin 

Now - to be truly free 
I'll let it come to me 
So -break me if you must 
When you break this crust 
Freedom is to see 

Hear this voice, see this man 
Standing before you I'm just a child 
Just a man learning to yield 

I hate these hands soaked in blood 
I hate what these eyes have seen 
Up to my knees in filth and mud 
How it hurts to become clean 

I was always on my mind 
But never on my side 
Run - but if you run away 
You'll always have to hide 
So if you need to run 
Run for help! 


10. Song For The Innocent
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
This world is what we can give 
Scarred from the way we lived 
All those dreams we shared for you 
How I wish they could come true

We dreamed of a world in peace 
But killed for a life of ease 
Now we leave the wounds for you 
What else can the dying do? 

...all those dreams we shared for you 
God, I wish them to be true... 


11. Falling
+++++++++++
Once
I had a mountain of my own
With moss and walls and magic
And a mighty view
A forest of my own
Listening to me
Showing me its secret paths and trails
Green with depths and sleeping sunrises
Thorns that never cut
My feet and face
A pine of my own
Offering a seat in the sunset
Painting windy pictures
Arabesques
Of fortune and forever
Too large to fit
Even in a child's pocket
Now
Arabesques of forgetfulness
Are left to burn holes
In my white tapestry and fangible wallpaper
Once
I had a world of my own
It is still there
Only
I am gone


12. The Perfect Element
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Yesterday found him today 
Caught him at his last breath 
These walls built to stand come-what-may 
Lie shattered in the ashes 
His skin against this dirty floor 
Eyes fixed on the ceiling 
He has stretched those chains of sin 
Far beyond all feelings 
Still, so still... 

In his head a thunderous 
Cry of desperation 
Tearing voices from his past 
Scream for his attention 
Behind those eyes a world explodes 
No one there to save him 
All pain that he's been passing on 
Answers to his craving 
Once more 

I will never leave this shame... 

Falling beyond the point of no return 
Nothing to become and nothing left to burn 

Stealing meaning from this child 
We took away his reason 
His soul put under lock and key 
His heart blackened from treason 
But if you take from those you fear 
Everything they value 
You have bred the perfect beast 
Drained enough to kill you 

Falling beyond the point of no return 
Nothing to become and nothing left to burn 

Watching unseen untouched bleeding 
Empty exposed dying eyes closed 

Once he had forests and mountains 
That were only his - listening to him 
Once he would run through the summer days 
Catching memories for ages to come 
Now he is dressing this naked floor 
With his flesh and blood, and times passes by 
His trade of pain might just have lead him 
To deal with consequence 
For some change as time passes by 

I am the waking child 
(Lingering, climbing, clinging, clutching
Craving, clawing, hurting, falling down) 
I, the wayward son of a mountain lake 
(Of icy liquor tears, of a silent Earth) 
(Of a rusty lid, of a wingless wind) 
(Of an eyeless storm, of fallen gods,
who lost their way) 
I set myself on fire 
To breed the Perfect Element 

Will I ever walk again? 

Falling far beyond the point of no return 
Nothing to become and nothing left to burn 

(This is the end)

Nothing left to say, 
The pain will go away 
Now you must surely see, 
That you are killing me 
You are killing me 
Now you are killing me 
(You must never leave this shame!) 
Now you are killing me 
(You must never leave this shame!) 
Now you are killing me 
(You must never leave this shame!)

Is this more than you want?